we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
