It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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