I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
