imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
