this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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