Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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