Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
