yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She bit a glass in half.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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