One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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