I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
