Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
