I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize