You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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