I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
