so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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