it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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