i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
