I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
