a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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