Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
