where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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