guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
