Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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