Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's just like the Real World with babies
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
