Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
