thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
