pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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