How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
