We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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