How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
how drunk are you?
Several
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
