dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
