Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
