the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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