I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
