so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
