I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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