Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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