have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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