I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
