Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
