god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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