Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
