Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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