talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
