So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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