last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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