I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
