we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
