walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
