Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
