also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
