Someone shit on the floor
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So vagazzling was a success
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