um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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