omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
