who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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