Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
